What Is Mentalisation and How Do Practitioners Use It?
Can I use it as a novice?
Mentalisation, often described as "thinking about thinking" or "seeing the mind behind behaviour," is a core concept in psychotherapy that focuses on understanding our own and others' mental states. It involves recognising that our actions, thoughts, and feelings are driven by underlying emotions, beliefs, and intentions. But why is mentalisation so crucial, particularly in therapy with children and young people? Let's explore its significance and how it can be fostered, particularly through the use of drawings and sand play.
Why is mentalisation used in therapy?
Mentalisation is employed in therapy because it equips individuals with the ability to:
Develop self-awareness: By reflecting on our own thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of their internal experiences and how they influence our behaviour.
Enhance empathy and understanding of others: Mentalisation allows us to consider the perspectives of others, fostering empathy and compassion. This is crucial for building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Improve emotional regulation: By recognising the link between thoughts, feelings, and actions, individuals can develop strategies to manage difficult emotions and respond to situations in a more balanced way.
Resolve conflict and improve communication: Mentalisation facilitates understanding the motivations behind others' actions, leading to improved communication and conflict resolution skills.
Promote resilience: By developing a greater understanding of their own and others' mental states, individuals can navigate challenges with increased resilience and adaptability.
Sounds complicated—how do kids mentalise? Is that even the right word?
In therapy with children and young people, mentalisation can be fostered through creative mediums such as drawings and sand play. These activities offer a safe and accessible way for children to express their thoughts and feelings, often revealing underlying emotions and narratives that might be challenging to articulate verbally.
Drawings: A child might draw a picture of themselves looking small and alone, surrounded by larger figures. This could represent feelings of powerlessness or isolation. By exploring the drawing together, the therapist can help the child understand and express these emotions, fostering self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Sand Play: A young person might create a scene in the sand tray where figures are engaged in conflict. This could symbolise internal or external struggles they are experiencing. The therapist can gently guide the exploration of the scene, facilitating the understanding and processing of these complex dynamics, promoting self-reflection and empathy.
As an adult, how do I respond?
This isn’t a straightforward question, so it’s a really good one. As adults, we often feel a need to rescue children, especially from negative emotions or perceived negative emotions. This is often as much about our own negative responses to hurtful things, as it is about our concerns for them. As a starting point, I would recommend the following
Observe and Reflect: Adults can observe children's drawings and sand play, noticing themes and patterns that might reveal underlying emotions or concerns. They can then gently reflect these observations back to the child, encouraging further exploration and self-understanding. Crucial to this is—never break the metaphor. If the child is obviously drawing themselves, or God forbid you, do not acknowledge that. The drawing is a safe place for them to visualise their own mind landscape. As an example of a reflection, you might ask:
“It seems like you are using a lot of red in this picture.”
“It looks like you are colouring really hard right now, and really moving that pencil fast.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Adults can ask open-ended questions about the creations, prompting children to reflect on the meaning behind their choices and express their thoughts and feelings, thus developing their mentalisation skills. There is some confusion about what an open-ended question might be. At its simplest, these are questions that do not have yes or no answers, and do not suggest the answer. With children more importantly, avoid why questions—these can feel confrontational. If you think a why is important, for the child and not for you, you might use an “I wonder” statement. Examples might be:
“I wonder why that figure is so large and the others are so small in comparison.”
“What do you think these characters might say to each other?”
“I notice there’s a lot of red on this page. I’m wondering why that might be.”
Validate Feelings: By acknowledging and validating the emotions expressed in the drawings or sand play, adults help children feel understood and supported, creating a safe space for emotional exploration and growth. Crucially, these are the feelings you see in the page, not the ones you are projecting onto the child. You might do it this way:
“The monster in the picture looks really sad. It is okay to be sad, because things make us sad sometimes.”
“The person in that picture looks really mad. Something has made him really cross. It is normal to get angry sometimes, especially if something didn’t happen like we expected or we feel let down.”
Create a Safe Space: It is important to create a safe and non-judgmental space for children to express themselves through these creative mediums. There aren’t specific ways of doing this, but referring to previous examples give you a good idea. There aren’t right and wrong ways of doing things. Feelings are okay. Reiterate these to your client, even if indirectly.
And in short?
Developing mentalisation skills can lead to:
Improved self-awareness and emotional regulation
Enhanced empathy and understanding of others
Strengthened relationships and improved communication
Increased resilience
Reduced anxiety and depression
Mentalisation is not merely a therapeutic technique but a fundamental life skill that empowers children and young people to navigate the complexities of human interaction with greater clarity, compassion, and self-awareness. By understanding the mind behind behaviour, and utilising creative mediums like drawings and sand play, we can support their journey towards emotional well-being and healthy relationships.
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Final thoughts
Reading the above might make you feel nervous. It might make you feel entirely out of your depth. That’s understandable actually. I’d no more want to do something entirely new based off one blog post—imagine if you replied to this with a lesson plan. No, thank you! That being said, these are natural skills that at some point a lot of us have forgotten. You might get it wrong, and that’s okay too.
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