How do I support an LGBT+ young person?
Whether it's at home or in schools, we want to support all young people—but how?
Every professional, parent or carer wants children and young people to feel safe and accepted for who they are. This can feel especially important when you suspect your child might be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their identity (LGBTQ+). It’s Pride month so I wanted to say: I understand what the anxieties are—”am I using the right language?” or “there was only gay and straight in my day?” The likelihood is if you are reading this, like most of the population, you are heterosexual or cisgender. It’s okay to feel out of your depth here. You are showing that you care by wanting to get it.
Before we get started…
What do all these terms even mean?
I cannot produce an exhaustive list. I know a lot, but not everything (yet!). These are the main terms:
Lesbian: This is usually used for women who have relationships who have relationships with other women.
Gay: This is usually reserved for men who have relationships with other men.
Bisexual: This is usually reserved for men or women who have relationships with men or women.
Trans*: This is a term that describes people who have gender identities that are at variance with the gender they were assigned at birth e.g. men who were ‘born women’ who identify as men.
Cis: This is term that describes people who have gender identities that correspond with the gender they were assigned at birth e.g. men who were ‘born men’ who identify as men.
Plus: So this is in here to recognise that there is a huge diversity in how people identify. People who may consider themselves to be within the community might be people who are pansexual, asexual, queer or questioning.
Okay, I am following. So what do I do in practice?
Here are some tips to navigate this journey with love and support:
Create a Safe Space: Let the young person know you're there for them, judgement-free. This means avoiding jokes or comments that could be seen as negative towards the LGBT+ community. Do you have a family friend who is from the community that you could invite around to show you are comfortable?
Be Patient: Coming to terms with sexual orientation or gender identity can take time. Your child might be figuring things out themselves, so avoid pressuring them for answers. If they have not told you yet, that is not a judgment on you. This is also not about you. Continue to show your support for LGBT+ people and give them time.
Educate Yourself: There's a wealth of resources available online and in libraries about LGBTQ+ identities. Learn about the different terms and experiences within the community. When a young person is ready to tell you something, or if it comes up at all, make sure you understand. You cannot be expected to know everything, but it is also not on them to tell you everything.
Show Your Support: Look for opportunities to show your child you're an ally. This could involve attending a local Pride event, watching a movie with LGBTQ+ characters, or simply having open conversations. Think about positive portrayals of the LGBT+ community you could surround them with. Researchers say Will & Grace did more to move along the mainstream image of LGBT+ people than most activism did, after all.
Let Them Lead: It's your child's journey, not yours. While you can be a source of support, it's important to respect their privacy and allow them to come out on their own terms, if and when they choose. Do not snoop unless you have a reason to be concerned. Even then, wonder whether you could ask rather than go looking.
Remember:
Your love and acceptance are the most important things you can offer your child.
There are resources available to help you both. Organisations like Stonewall and Mermaids offer support groups for families with LGBTQ+ members.
It's okay to have questions, but focus on being a supportive parent first.
By following these tips, you can create a safe and loving environment for your child to explore their identity.
I’m a school teacher and want to help
First of all, that’s great! Schools play a vital role in fostering a safe and inclusive space for all students, and Pride Month offers a fantastic opportunity to show support for LGBT+ young people. Here are some ways schools can create a welcoming environment for everyone:
Curriculum with Pride: Integrate LGBTQ+ themes and history lessons throughout the year, not just in June. This could involve featuring books with LGBT+ characters in the library, incorporating historical figures from the LGBTQ+ rights movement into history lessons, or discussing gender identity and sexual orientation in health classes in an age-appropriate way. Granted, there might be restrictions on your flexibility but know about what you are teaching. We often hear about Florence Nightingale—we rarely hear about the fact she was probably not straight.
Rainbow Rooms: Create physical spaces that celebrate diversity. Decorate hallways and classrooms with pride flags and posters featuring positive messages of inclusion. Consider student-led art projects that showcase the LGBTQ+ community. Dedicate a space to this all year around, not just in June.
Staff Training: Empower teachers and staff with resources and training on LGBTQ+ issues. This will help them feel confident in supporting students, intervening effectively in bullying situations, and creating a classroom environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves. Not every staff member needs to be a Mental Health First Aider, but wonder if you can have leaflets or QR codes available in discreet places for pupils to access.
Safe Spaces: If you have the resources, establish a student-led group where LGBT+ students and allies can connect, share experiences, and celebrate their identities. This can be a crucial support system for students who may be struggling. It also sends a powerful message about the school standing behind LGBT+ pupils.
Amplify Student Voices: Involve students in planning Pride Month activities! This could involve hosting cultural events, film screenings, or inviting guest speakers from the LGBT+ community. Let students take ownership and express their creativity in celebrating Pride. If you have a student council, ask them if they want to lead on this.
Beyond the Classroom: Schools can partner with local LGBT+ organizations to offer resources and support services to students. This demonstrates a commitment to inclusivity that extends beyond the school walls.
Be A Confident Space: Do not tell their parents if a young person makes a disclosure about their identity to you. It is not your role. Have a conversation if you have safeguarding concerns, and discuss if necessary, but your role here is to ensure that young person has one trusted adult.
Can you help me?
Absolutely! You might want advice on pride events for your school, talking through having conversations with your young person, or you might be a young person yourself who wants to explore what it means to be gay or trans, to question your identity, and what it really means to come out. I am here for you.
Please get in touch:
Final thoughts
Adults have a central role in promoting mental health for children and young people. Sometimes that means modelling good mental health yourself. In instances like this, it means creating an affirming environment. Think about a time when you felt afraid to speak up and a time you did not. How do we shape environments and what sort of environment can we shape for our young people?
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