Anxiety in Children? Really?

Really.

A lot of us have an idealised view of childhood. The truth is, though, that childhood is changing a lot. Today’s childhood would be unrecognisable to us - we only have to be slightly curious to see what I mean by that. That being said, anxiety is very natural. Good, even.

There is a tendency to think about anxiety as universally bad. That’s like saying water is bad. It’s good when it’s washing your back, but it’s bad when it’s flooding your house. Same with anxiety. It’s that thing that makes you think “I will pause before I walk into the road”. It would be an entirely different thing, however, if it stopped you crossing the road altogether.

Occasional worries are normal. Affirm your child when they have small worries, but don’t make it a big thing. We should worry about anxiety when it is excessive or prolonged, impacting a child's daily life and overall well-being. As parents, caregivers, or educators, it's crucial to recognise the signs of anxiety in children and understand how to support them effectively.

What are the signs?

Here are some common signs to look out for:

1. Excessive Worrying: Children may express worry about various aspects of their lives, such as school, friendships, family, or their own safety. What is crucial is this: they might seem like small worries to you, and they might not even make sense to you - but it is important your child does not think you think that. Be curious about the origin of their worry - what is really going on?

2. Physical Symptoms: Like in all stages of life, there can be physical symptoms including and especially stomach aches, but it can also be nausea or headaches. The difference is that children might struggle to explain what ‘anxious’ is - if there are repeated stomach aches, what is going on?

3. Avoidance Behaviour: Have you noticed your little one more and more often has reasons not to go to school? They suddenly have changed their minds in a really big way about something they used to love?

4. Irritability, Chatter, Sleep: This is a weird few things to bunch together, but bear with. Anxiety can make children irritable, restless, or easily upset, even over minor issues, and affect how they sleep. This might look like disturbed sleep, climbing into bed with you/your partner, excessive chatter, strong preoccupations they must share with you… You get the picture. Anxious children might come across in ways that suggest they aren’t sure of their attachment to you.

5. Perfectionism: Some children may exhibit perfectionist tendencies, fearing failure or making mistakes. This might look like scribbling out their entire picture when they accidentally do a wrong shape or colour outside of the lines. It may be an inordinate amount of stress if their pen slips off the paper, or they drop something. Perfectionism looks different in children because of what they prioritise.

6. Difficulty Concentrating: This may be ADHD, but it may not. The truth is that anxiety can create a certain amount of executive dysfunction and inattention, which can show up academically, or make your child seem tuned out.

7. Separation Anxiety: Your little one may experience separation anxiety, particularly when leaving a parent or caregiver. However, in more extreme cases, it may persist well into the primary years and even the secondary school years.

And what is the impact?

The impact of anxiety on children's lives may include:

1. Academic difficulties: Anxiety can affect a child's ability to focus, concentrate, and perform well in school. If they are always feeling unsettled, they might not be able to focus on what is going on around them - and in the classroom.

2. Social challenges: Children may struggle to interact with peers, make friends, or participate in social activities due to anxiety. They might think a lot about how they are coming across, rehearing their conversations, and even react worse to perceived rejections.

3. Emotional distress: Anxiety can lead to feelings of fear, sadness, frustration, or low self-esteem in children. This is also more so because children have little to compare anxiety to - it might feel open-ended, and endless to them.

4. Physical health issues: Chronic anxiety can contribute to physical health problems like headaches, stomach aches, or fatigue. This is because they might be feeling permanently ‘on’ and experiencing high levels of adrenaline or feel hypervigilant with their senses aroused. All of this can make you tired. The idea of feeling under threat that often can cause stomach aches - our stomachs and our brains talk constantly, remember?

5. Disrupted family dynamics: Anxiety in children can affect the entire family, leading to stress, conflict, or changes in routines. Children feeling stressed, not sleeping, acting out, withdrawing can all have a wider impact on the family system.

How can I help a child struggling with anxiety?

There are several strategies you can employ to help your child cope with anxiety effectively:

1. Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and worries openly. Listen attentively, validate their emotions, and offer reassurance and support. Let them tell you anything. When they say “I am ugly”, don’t rush to contradict them - understand why. Tell them you will help them feel better.

2. Provide a Safe and Supportive Environment: Create a nurturing and supportive home environment where your child feels safe expressing their feelings without judgment. This means examining your own position here: are you creating the sort of space that isn’t like this? Is another adult?

3. Establish Routines: Establish predictable routines and schedules for your child, providing them with a sense of stability and security. A lot of anxiety comes from a sense of a loss of control. This can be ameliorated by giving them that information without them needing to ask for it - for a younger child, a visual schedule might help.

4. Teach Relaxation Techniques: Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation to help them manage stress and anxiety. Maybe there is a child mindfulness class in your area, or on YouTube.

5. Encourage Positive Self-Talk: Help your child challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations or coping statements. Replace “I am no good at my morning routine” with “I sometimes run a little late, but I’m a spontaneous person who can go with the flow”.

6. Model Healthy Coping Strategies: Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety. Practice self-care, engage in relaxation activities, and seek support when needed. Two things: you can’t pour from an empty cup, and practice what you preach.

7. Gradual Exposure: You should gradually expose your child to anxiety-provoking situations in a supportive and controlled manner, helping them build confidence and resilience over time. Hold their hand when crossing the road until one day, you just stand alongside, and show them how to push the button; and one day, they are crossing by themselves. Help them to trust the world.

That didn’t work

Okay, sorry. There are some other things you can try. I talked about all of these in my blog about anxiety in teens.

1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): For younger children, at least initially, this is available through something that might be called CYP-IAPT (the NHS loves an acronym) or your child’s school might have a Mental Health Support Team in place. Ask them. If you access this type of service, you might receive input at the same time to ensure you can sustain any positive changes.

2. Counselling: Counselling is a form of talking therapy to allows children to explore issues with high levels of autonomy. This is sometimes available through CAMHS, a local charity, or privately. With children, most counselling happens through arts - that might be drawing, painting, small world play and sand trays, puppet play. This is because children can sometimes struggle to give their feelings words.

3. Coaching: Coaching is a form of development that supports children in achieving a specific personal or professional goal by providing training and guidance, all of which are supported by an experienced coach who may have a speciality. Like counselling, this may be done in any number of methods depending on the desired outcome. This may also have an element of training to adults too, so adults can scaffold positive changes.

Can you help me?

I can try! Get in touch:

Final thoughts

Understanding anxiety in children is essential for providing them with the support they need to thrive. By recognising the signs of anxiety, understanding its impact, and employing practical coping strategies, parents and other adults can help children navigate life's challenges. Help them become confident and resilience. You're not alone on this journey. There are resources available to support you and your child every step of the way.

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