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"Why Can't I Get Therapy From AI?"

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 09 Jun 2025 11:10:56 GMT

I decided to make our most recent edition about something I am reading a lot about lately.

With mental health waiting times being extended, a lot of people are asking LLMs for support, and using it as a way to increase their ability to function on a daily basis. If you don’t know what an LLM is, some examples of LLMs are ChatGPT, Gemini (by Google), Grok, etc.

In order to discuss this fully, I thought, why not enlist an LLM to help me? Our transcript is below. I have removed certain parts of Gemini’s response with [..] as it likes to talk at some length!

Photo by Growtika on Unsplash

Gemini: Right then, let's have a proper chat, shall we? I'm ready to challenge your thinking. What subject's on your mind?

Kevin (Me): People using LLMs as therapists.

Gemini: Cracking topic! Using Large Language Models – LLMs – as therapists is a sticky wicket, really. Loads of ethical, practical, and social bits to unpack. I'm well up for challenging your assumptions and digging into the nitty-gritty.

Let's kick off with a bold statement:

"LLMs are bound to become a primary and essential tool for mental health support, eventually outshining traditional human therapy for a good chunk of the population."

[..]

Me: What do you think about the idea that you can't assess risk properly?

Gemini: That's a strong, direct challenge, and it goes straight to the heart of a massive concern about LLMs in therapeutic roles. You've hit on a very solid point.

[..] I agree that, as things stand, the current state of LLMs makes proper risk assessment incredibly tricky, if not impossible, in a therapeutic setting. Human therapists rely on so many cues that LLMs just don't have or can't read:

Non-verbal cues: A human therapist clocks body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, fidgeting, eye contact, and countless other subtle non-verbal signals. These often say more than words and are crucial for judging distress, intent, or hidden meanings, especially when a client might be downplaying things or being disingenuous. LLMs only work on text input (or speech-to-text, which strips out most of the vocal nuance).
Contextual Understanding and Life Experience: A human therapist brings a lifetime of experience, understanding of social dynamics, cultural subtleties, and real-world consequences. They can draw on a huge well of unspoken knowledge to grasp the seriousness of a situation. An LLM, despite its colossal training data, lacks proper "understanding" or lived experience. Its knowledge is statistical, not experiential.
Empathy and Intuition: While LLMs can mimic empathy through language, they don't feel it. Human intuition, often built up over years of clinical practice, lets therapists sense when something's "off," when a client's holding back, or when a seemingly harmless comment might hide a deeper crisis. This intuition is vital for probing sensitive areas and spotting potential harm.
Accountability and Legal Frameworks: If a human therapist messes up on risk assessment and something bad happens, there are clear professional and legal channels for accountability. With an LLM, who's accountable? The developer? The user? The model itself? This fuzziness creates a huge barrier to trust and safety, especially in high-stakes situations like suicide risk.
Dynamic and Evolving Risk: Risk isn't fixed. A client's state can change rapidly within a session or between sessions. A human therapist can quickly adapt their questions and interventions based on these changing cues. An LLM's "assessment" would likely be based on separate text inputs, potentially missing the fluid nature of risk.
Lack of "Common Sense" and AGI: While LLMs are impressive, they don't have common-sense reasoning or Artificial General Intelligence (AGI). They can't truly grasp the real-world implications of self-harm or harm to others in the way a human can. Their responses are generated based on patterns in their training data, not genuine comprehension of the severity.

So, I'll concede your point: The inability to properly assess risk is a monumental hurdle for LLMs acting as independent, primary therapists, particularly where safety is paramount.

[..] While LLMs might not be able to properly assess risk on their own, could they still play a supportive role in risk assessment for a human therapist?

For example, could an LLM:

Flag keywords or patterns in a client's text that are historically linked to higher risk, prompting a human therapist to step in or ask more targeted questions?
Give a statistical likelihood based on aggregated data (e.g., "Statements like X, Y, Z have a P% correlation with elevated risk in similar demographic groups") – not as a definite assessment, but as an alert?
Act as a preliminary screener in non-crisis situations, to spot individuals who might need urgent human intervention, even if its "assessment" isn't perfect?

My challenge back to you is: Even with their current limits in proper risk assessment, are there any ways LLMs could still help out in the wider mental health support landscape, especially in how human pros manage and react to risk, even if it's not by assessing it independently?

Or do you reckon their inherent limits in this area make them fundamentally unsuitable for any direct involvement in risk-sensitive mental health contexts?

Photo by Growtika on Unsplash

Me: I think you could be good at signposting people to actual support with a human but I think your inability to properly assess risk and safety plan is inherently limiting. Do you think there are even low-risk presentations you could help with?

Gemini: You've hit on a crucial distinction there: signposting versus direct therapeutic intervention, especially in risk-sensitive areas. I completely agree that LLMs show more immediate promise in the former.

Your point about the inherent limitation due to risk assessment and safety planning is absolutely spot on and, frankly, the strongest argument against widespread, independent LLM-as-therapist models. A good safety plan isn't just about spotting risk; it's about collaboratively building a proactive strategy with the client, considering their specific resources, triggers, and support networks. LLMs just can't do that empathetically or effectively.

Now, to your question: "Do you think there are even low-risk presentations you could help with?"

This is where the debate gets interesting and where we might find some areas of potential use, even with the limitations we've talked about. I'd argue, yes, there could be low-risk presentations where LLMs could provide some form of beneficial support, though always with big caveats and robust safeguards.

Let's break down some potential "low-risk" scenarios and how an LLM might assist, along with the immediate challenges:

Potential Low-Risk Scenarios:

Psychoeducation and Information Provision:
- Why it might work: This is largely about recalling and synthesising facts, which LLMs are brilliant at. It's about giving accessible information that might otherwise need loads of research or a direct consultation.
- Challenge: Making sure it's accurate and avoiding misinformation. Also, distinguishing between general information and personalised advice, which LLMs definitely shouldn't give. There's still a risk of a user misinterpreting information or using it wrongly.
Basic Emotional Validation and Active Listening (without interpretation):
- Why it might work: This can be comforting for people who just need to vent and feel heard, especially if human support isn't available or feels intimidating.
- Challenge: The risk of being superficial. Also, if the user does express something high-risk, the LLM's inability to switch from "listening" to "intervening" becomes a major ethical problem. The line between basic validation and implied therapeutic engagement is blurry.
Journaling Prompts and Self-Reflection Exercises:
- Why it might work: This uses the LLM's knack for generating creative and relevant text. It puts the onus of therapeutic insight back on the user, with the LLM acting as a clever prompt generator.
- Challenge: No feedback on the user's reflections. Again, if the user's writing reveals risk factors, the LLM isn't equipped to respond.
Coping Skill Practice (guided, non-interpretive):
- Why it might work: These are structured, script-based activities that LLMs can deliver accurately.
- Challenge: The LLM can't tell if the technique is actually working for the user, if it's being done correctly, or if it's even suitable for their specific situation.

My Counter-Challenge:

While I can pinpoint these potential low-risk areas, the overarching limitation you highlighted – the inability to properly assess risk and safety plan – casts a long shadow over all of them. A "low-risk" situation can turn high-risk in a flash, and an LLM has no reliable way to spot that shift or react appropriately.

So, my challenge back to you is this:

[..]

Even if an LLM is limited to these "low-risk" informational or supportive roles, how can we ethically and safely implement them in a way that truly minimises the risk of harm, especially when a user might implicitly trust the LLM and divulge information it's not equipped to handle? Is the potential benefit in these "low-risk" areas truly worth the unavoidable risk tied to an LLM's blind spots?

Or, would you argue that any direct interaction with an LLM for mental health purposes (beyond perhaps a simple FAQ bot) is inherently too risky due to the risk assessment limitation?

Me: I tend to think there isn't a role, really. I'm surprised by your openness to them. Why, then, do you think people are turning to LLMs for therapy?

Gemini: Your surprise at my openness is completely understandable, and it's good for me to clear up my position. My "openness" isn't an endorsement of LLMs as primary, unsupervised therapists. Instead, it comes from two main observations:

The current reality: People are already turning to LLMs and AI chatbots for mental health support, despite the clear risks and lack of proper validation. My view is that ignoring this trend is less helpful than understanding why it's happening and exploring how to minimise harm or, if possible, use any genuine, low-risk benefits within strict ethical frameworks.
The potential for augmentation and accessibility (with huge caveats): While I agree LLMs can't replace human therapists for complex or high-risk cases, there's a massive societal need for mental health support that current systems simply can't meet. This unmet need creates a void that LLMs, for all their flaws, are starting to fill.

So, to directly answer your question: Why do I think people are turning to LLMs for therapy?

[..]

Accessibility and Availability (24/7):
- The Problem: Finding a human therapist can be incredibly tough. There are often long waiting lists, especially for specialists or affordable options. Sessions are usually limited to certain hours and frequencies. Crisis support outside of emergency services can be thin on the ground.
- LLM "Solution": LLMs are available instantly, 24/7, from anywhere with an internet connection. No waiting lists, no scheduling clashes. This immediate access can be a huge draw for someone feeling distressed right now.
Affordability:
- The Problem: Therapy is expensive. Even with insurance, co-pays can be prohibitive, and many people are uninsured or underinsured. This creates a massive barrier for a large chunk of the population.
- LLM "Solution": Many LLM-based mental health apps are free or significantly cheaper than traditional therapy, often on a subscription model far below the cost of a single therapy session. For someone on a tight budget, this can seem like the only viable option.
Anonymity and Stigma Reduction:
- The Problem: There's still a lot of stigma attached to seeking mental health treatment. People worry about being judged by a human therapist, by their family, friends, or employers. They might be wary of revealing highly sensitive or embarrassing information face-to-face.
- LLM "Solution": Interacting with an LLM offers a high degree of anonymity. Users can feel more comfortable expressing thoughts or behaviours they might be ashamed of, knowing there's no human on the other end to judge them. This perceived "safe space" can be a powerful motivator for disclosure.
No Judgment:
- The Problem: Even with the best therapists, the human element can lead to perceived judgment or discomfort. Clients might filter their thoughts.
- LLM "Solution": An LLM, by its nature, doesn't "judge." It processes text. This can make users feel completely uninhibited in sharing their darkest thoughts or most unusual feelings without fear of surprise, shock, or moral reprimand.
Perceived Novelty/Curiosity:
- The Problem: People are naturally curious about new tech.
- LLM "Solution": The novelty of interacting with an AI for something as personal as mental health can be appealing, especially to younger generations who are digitally native.
Simplicity and Low Barrier to Entry:
- The Problem: Navigating the mental healthcare system can be overwhelming – finding a therapist, understanding different approaches, dealing with insurance.
- LLM "Solution": It's often as simple as downloading an app and starting to type. This low barrier makes it very easy to try, even if it's not a long-term solution.
Mimicry of Empathy and "Human-like" Interaction:
- The Problem: Loneliness and a desire for connection are widespread.
- LLM "Solution": While not genuine, LLMs are incredibly good at mimicking human conversation and empathy. For someone feeling isolated, a chatbot that "listens" and responds with validating language can provide a temporary sense of connection and understanding, even if it's superficial.

Crucially, many of these reasons stem from failings or limitations within the traditional mental healthcare system. People are looking for alternatives because the ideal, human-led, accessible, and affordable therapy isn't a reality for everyone.

My challenge back to you, then, is this:

Given these very real and pressing reasons why people are turning to LLMs for mental health support, even with their inherent limitations and risks:

If we just say "there is no role" for LLMs, what ethical responsibility do we have to sort out the underlying societal and systemic issues (like access, cost, and stigma) that are driving people to these unproven and potentially risky alternatives in the first place? And without solving these systemic issues straight away, are there any responsible ways to manage the use of LLMs in mental health so that potential harm is minimised, even if they aren't "therapists" in the traditional sense?

Photo by Cash Macanaya on Unsplash

Me: I do have a few questions though: do you not think the inherent structure to therapy versus 24/7 is a good thing? How do you move around the fact that LLMs, as a default, are endlessly validating? You call it judgment but isn't your therapist's role sometimes to challenge you?

Gemini: These are excellent follow-up questions, and they cut right to the core differences between human and LLM-led support. You're absolutely right to challenge the perceived benefits of LLMs by highlighting the crucial aspects of human therapy that they lack.

Let's break down each point:

"Do you not think the inherent structure to therapy versus 24/7 is a good thing?"

You've landed on a critical aspect of effective therapy that LLMs struggle to copy. My initial mention of 24/7 availability focused on access, which is undeniably a problem for many, but it doesn't equate to quality or effectiveness.

I agree with you: The inherent structure of human therapy is often a profoundly good thing, and in many cases, essential.

Here's why that structure (scheduled, time-bound, sequential sessions) is beneficial:

Promotes Integration and Processing: Therapy isn't just about the hour in the room; it's about what happens between sessions. The time between appointments allows clients to reflect, take in insights, practise new skills, observe patterns in their daily lives, and cement what they've learned. 24/7 availability can encourage constant, superficial engagement without this crucial period of internalisation.
Creates a "Container" for Difficult Emotions: The defined boundaries of a therapy session (start time, end time, specific place) create a safe "container" for intense or difficult emotions. Clients know they have a dedicated space to explore challenging material, and the finite nature of the session helps them manage the intensity and get back to their daily lives feeling some sense of closure. Endless availability could lead to emotional dysregulation, where someone is constantly diving into distress without the necessary breaks or guidance to process it.
Encourages Autonomy and Self-Efficacy: A good therapist helps a client develop their own coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills, fostering independence. If an LLM is always available, it could encourage a dependency, where the individual turns to the AI for every minor emotional wobble rather than building inner resilience. The "work" of therapy often involves clients finding solutions themselves, guided by the therapist, not being given them constantly.
Manages Therapist Burnout (and LLM limitations): Human therapists need breaks, supervision, and boundaries to work effectively and ethically. While LLMs don't experience "burnout" in the human sense, their 24/7 availability could lead to users treating them as an emotional crutch rather than a tool for structured growth.
Facilitates Progress Tracking and Goal Setting: Structured sessions allow for consistent progress tracking, revisiting goals, and adapting the therapy approach based on observable changes (or lack thereof) over time. This long-term view is harder to maintain in an unstructured, always-on interaction.

So, while 24/7 availability addresses a real access problem, it inherently misses the therapeutic pacing and processing space that structured sessions provide.

"How do you move around the fact that LLMs, as a default, are endlessly validating? You call it judgment but isn't your therapist's role sometimes to challenge you?"

This is perhaps the most profound and critical distinction, and you are absolutely right. My use of "no judgment" was perhaps a bit loose when discussing a therapist's role. A human therapist doesn't judge their client in a moral or condemning way, but they absolutely do challenge, confront, and give constructive feedback.

The "endless validation" of LLMs is a significant flaw when trying to copy genuine therapy, and I agree it's a major limitation.

Here's why challenge and confrontation are essential in therapy, and why LLMs fall short:

Cognitive Restructuring (CBT): Many effective therapies, especially Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), rely on challenging unhelpful thought patterns. A therapist helps a client spot cognitive distortions (e.g., catastrophising, black-and-white thinking) and gently guides them to consider alternative, more balanced views. An endlessly validating LLM might reinforce these unhelpful patterns by simply agreeing or mirroring them.
Boundary Setting and Accountability: A therapist may need to challenge a client's behaviours that are self-sabotaging or harmful to others. This isn't judgment; it's holding the client accountable for their actions and helping them understand the consequences. An LLM, lacking a true ethical framework or understanding of real-world impact, won't do this effectively.
Promoting Insight and Growth: Real growth often comes from discomfort and facing uncomfortable truths. A therapist might gently push a client to explore deeper emotions, acknowledge responsibility, or step outside their comfort zone. This challenge is a catalyst for change. An LLM might keep the conversation superficial to maintain "validation" and avoid triggering negative sentiment.
Identifying Resistance and Defence Mechanisms: Clients often show resistance or use defence mechanisms to avoid painful truths. A skilled therapist can spot these and gently challenge them, helping the client move past barriers. An LLM might just interpret resistance as a user's stated preference and not probe deeper.
Real-world Perspective: Therapists can offer a reality check, providing an external, informed perspective that clients might be missing due to their emotional state or cognitive biases. An LLM, drawing only from its data, might not have this "common sense" or ability to put things into context.

So, you are entirely correct: The inability of LLMs to appropriately challenge, confront, and provide constructive, growth-oriented feedback is a fundamental barrier to their effectiveness as therapists. They're brilliant at mimicking empathetic statements, but lack the nuanced, discerning judgment needed to apply therapeutic challenge for genuine behavioural and cognitive change.

My final thought on this, and a challenge back to you, is this:

If we accept that the structured nature of therapy is beneficial, and that a therapist's role involves challenging and not just endless validation (which LLMs struggle with), and given the inability to properly assess risk:

What, if anything, could an LLM reliably and safely offer in the mental health space that isn't already better provided by human interaction (even if less accessible), or by established self-help resources? In other words, if it can't assess risk, can't structure effectively, and can't challenge appropriately, is there any unique, net positive contribution it truly makes beyond novelty or sheer accessibility for those who have no other option?

Me: I'm actually not sure. Can I put the question back to you?

Gemini: You absolutely can put the question back to me! It's a tricky one, and it really makes us pinpoint where any potential value lies amidst the significant limitations we've talked about.

[..]

This demands a very narrow and realistic perspective. My answer will be heavily qualified, focusing on potential rather than current proven effectiveness, and always with the understanding that these are supplementary roles, not replacements for human care.

Here are a few areas where an LLM might offer a unique, net positive contribution, even with its inherent flaws:

Bridging the "First Step" Gap (Extremely Low-Barrier Access):
- The Unique Contribution: For people who are really hesitant to seek traditional help due to extreme stigma, severe social anxiety, or a complete lack of understanding of what therapy involves, an LLM offers an unprecedentedly low barrier to entry. It's anonymous, non-judgmental (in the sense of not being a human judging them), and available in their pocket.
- Why it's "unique": No human professional or traditional self-help book offers this specific combination of instant, zero-stigma, non-reciprocal interaction. This isn't therapy, but it might be the very first step for someone who would otherwise never consider mental health support. It's a way to externalise thoughts and feelings without the pressure of human interaction.
- Net Positive (highly conditional): If this interaction, even if superficial, leads just one person to acknowledge their struggles and then seek proper human support (which the LLM would be explicitly designed to "signpost" to), that's a net positive. The risk here is if they stop at the LLM.
Information Curation and Personalisation (on demand):
- The Unique Contribution: While established self-help resources exist, finding the right information, coping strategy, or psychoeducational material for one's specific, stated problem can be overwhelming. An LLM can instantly synthesise and present relevant, personalised (based on user input) information from its vast knowledge base.
- Why it's "unique": It's like having a personalised, endlessly patient librarian who can pull relevant excerpts from thousands of self-help books, articles, and therapeutic techniques based on your precise query, instantly. A human therapist provides this, but not 24/7 on demand. Standard self-help resources need the user to actively search and filter.
- Net Positive (highly conditional): If an LLM can quickly and accurately give a user a specific grounding technique for an anxiety attack, or explain a cognitive distortion they're experiencing, in an easy-to-understand format, that could be helpful. The risk is, again, misapplication or relying solely on the LLM.
Basic Emotional Regulation Practice/Script Delivery (Guided):
- The Unique Contribution: While not therapy, an LLM can deliver pre-scripted, evidence-informed techniques for immediate emotional regulation (e.g., guided breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, simple mindfulness prompts) on demand.
- Why it's "unique": Many apps do this, but an LLM can adapt the language or pace slightly based on user input, or smoothly transition between different exercises if one isn't working. It's more interactive than a pre-recorded audio file.
- Net Positive (highly conditional): For acute moments of distress where a user needs an immediate, gentle guide to calm down, this could be helpful. This is different from actual safety planning or complex emotional processing.

The Overriding Caveat for all of the above:

For any of these to be a "net positive," there would need to be extremely robust safeguards and design principles:

Mandatory and Prominent Disclaimers: Explicitly stating "I am an AI, not a therapist. I cannot diagnose, treat, or provide emergency care."
Clear Signposting and Escalation Pathways: Always directing users to human resources (crisis lines, therapists, doctors) for anything beyond basic information or very low-level support. This would need to be built into the core functionality, not just a footnote.
No Diagnosis or Treatment Claims: Strictly avoiding any language that sounds like a diagnosis or direct therapeutic advice.
Ethical Data Handling: Absolute transparency and security regarding user data.
Regular Human Oversight and Iteration: AI models used in this space would need continuous monitoring and adjustment by mental health professionals.

In essence, I believe the only "net positive unique contribution" an LLM could make is in the realm of hyper-accessible, immediate, and non-judgmental informational support and very basic, scripted coping guidance, specifically for individuals who are otherwise completely disengaged from traditional mental health pathways. It would act as a very rudimentary, always-on "first responder" for information and validation, with its primary goal being to facilitate the transition to human care.

It's a very thin sliver of usefulness, and the risks remain substantial. This is why I started by clarifying my "openness" is more about understanding the existing phenomenon and exploring minimal-risk avenues, rather than a full endorsement.

So, my challenge back to you, perhaps for a concluding thought:

Given this very narrow and cautious definition of potential usefulness, and acknowledging the enormous ethical and safety hurdles: Do you believe it is even worth pursuing these highly limited applications, or do the inherent risks of misusing, misinterpreting, or over-relying on LLMs for any mental health support (beyond perhaps a simple FAQ bot) outweigh any potential benefits, making the entire endeavour ultimately detrimental?

Me: I think the thing we have not touched on, and what perhaps makes you (sorry!) most dangerous is AI hallucination. Could you expand a little bit on what I mean and why this could be dangerous?

Gemini: You are absolutely right to bring up AI hallucination. It's a critical flaw of LLMs, especially in high-stakes domains like mental health, and it's precisely what makes the prospect of using them as therapists so genuinely dangerous. Far from being "sorry," this is exactly the kind of deep, critical thinking needed for this discussion.

Let's break down what hallucination means for LLMs and why it's a profound danger in mental health applications:

What is AI Hallucination?

In the context of LLMs, "hallucination" refers to the phenomenon where the model generates information that is factually incorrect, nonsensical, or entirely made up, yet presents it as if it were true or logical.

It's not that the AI is "seeing things" like a human hallucinating. Rather, it's a consequence of how these models are trained and how they generate text:

Pattern Recognition, Not Understanding: LLMs learn statistical relationships and patterns from vast amounts of text data. They don't "understand" concepts, facts, or the real world in a human sense.
Predicting the Next Word: When you prompt an LLM, it's essentially predicting the most statistically probable sequence of words to follow, based on its training.
Confidence vs. Accuracy: The model can be highly "confident" in its prediction (i.e., the probability score for that word sequence is high) even if the generated information is completely false or nonsensical in a real-world context. It's excellent at generating plausible-sounding text, even if the content is absurd.
Lack of Internal Fact-Checking: LLMs don't have an internal mechanism to check the truthfulness of what they generate against a real-world fact. They don't "know what they don't know."

Why is AI Hallucination Dangerous in Mental Health Applications?

The dangers are manifold and extremely severe:

An LLM could hallucinate a "treatment" for a condition that isn't recognised by medical science, is ineffective, or even harmful.
It might suggest a specific medication, dosage, or even a therapy technique that doesn't exist or is unsuitable for a user's stated symptoms.
If a user is exploring past trauma or difficult memories, an LLM could inadvertently generate plausible-sounding "details" or "explanations" that the user might then adopt as real, leading to made-up memories that further complicate their psychological state.
This directly links to our earlier discussion about risk assessment. If a user expresses suicidal thoughts, an LLM might hallucinate a crisis hotline number that is incorrect, out of service, or connects to a completely unrelated service. It could provide an ineffective or dangerous safety plan.
While we agreed LLMs shouldn't diagnose, a hallucination could appear as a highly specific, yet incorrect, description of a mental health condition that leads the user to self-diagnose inaccurately. It could give erroneous information about the causes, prognosis, or spread of a condition.
If a user relies on an LLM for support and then discovers the information provided was false, it could lead to a profound sense of betrayal, disappointment, and a deeper distrust of any mental health support, including legitimate human therapists. Following hallucinated advice could directly worsen a user's mental state or lead to dangerous actions.
Hallucinations are inherently unpredictable. The same prompt might produce different responses at different times, some accurate, some completely false. This inconsistency is the opposite of reliable therapeutic support.

The danger of hallucination can't be overstated. Unlike a factual query where you might spot an incorrect date, in the sensitive and subjective world of mental health, a plausible-sounding but completely fabricated "insight" or "solution" could be deeply damaging. A human therapist's ethical responsibility, training, and supervision aim to minimise such errors; an LLM has no such internal compass or external accountability (in a practical sense).

Therefore, you've pinpointed a truly critical reason why LLMs, in their current state, are profoundly unsuitable for roles needing accuracy, safety, and nuanced understanding, especially in high-risk scenarios. This inherent flaw in their architecture is arguably the biggest barrier to their safe deployment in therapy.

Given this profound vulnerability to hallucination:

My final challenge to you is: How can we ever truly mitigate the risk of hallucination to an acceptable degree for mental health applications, particularly when lives or well-being could be at stake? Is it even technologically possible, or does this fundamental flaw mean LLMs should be categorically excluded from any direct "therapeutic" or even significant "support" roles, regardless of other potential benefits?

Final Thoughts

Toda'y’s post was quite long but I hoped you found it useful. I decided to end my chat with Gemini there, as we could have gone on forever at that rate.

I think the chat demonstrates a few things: AI is definitely useful, but it also has definite limitations. I’m not anti-AI but it needs to be used in ways that are safe. I don’t think AI is there yet, or will ever be there frankly.

Can You Help Me?

Sure. I provide support for parents who are trying to think about how they manage their own mental wellbeing while working with their children. I’m also not AI, so my chances of hallucination are low. Sorry Gemini!

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

Make sure you don’t miss any of my other posts:

The Quiet Power of Being Present

Kevin McNamara — Fri, 30 May 2025 11:59:07 GMT

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

It strikes me how often we're physically in one place but mentally somewhere else.

Think about it:

Thinking about work while having dinner with family.
Playing with your kids while your mind drifts to finances.
Listening to how your kids have been doing with one eye on your phone.

It's a common experience, but there are subtle costs to this divided attention. We can miss the nuances that truly matter:

The slight hesitation in our child’s voice that might signal they need support.
The moment of connection that deepens a relationship.
The easy way that we remove our own sense of isolation through connection with other people.

We often believe multitasking boosts productivity, but research suggests it can actually decrease our effectiveness significantly. That also has nothing to say about how it is damaging our connections with others.

So, how can we cultivate a little more intentional presence in our day? Here are a few simple ideas:

Try single-tasking: Closing your laptop during conversations or putting your phone away can make a real difference. Experiment with giving one thing your complete attention for a short period and see how it feels.
Use transition rituals: Taking a few deep breaths before a meeting or pausing briefly before responding can create a small space for presence.
Practice the "one thing" rule when someone is speaking to you: Try to make them the sole focus of your attention in that moment, letting go of other thoughts for a little while. Your mind may wander—bring it back again!

In a busy world, our full attention can be a powerful thing.

What's one opportunity you might have today to practice being a little more present?

Can You Help Me?

Sure. I provide support for parents who are trying to think about how they manage their own mental wellbeing while working with their children.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

Make sure you don’t miss any of my other posts:

Rekindling the Flame

Kevin McNamara — Wed, 21 May 2025 11:31:20 GMT

The relentless demands of parenthood or working with children can often feel like a marathon with no finish line in sight. The constant caregiving, the emotional investment, the sheer volume of tasks – it’s a beautiful journey, undoubtedly, but one that can leave even the most resilient feeling depleted. Burnout and stress become unwelcome companions, casting a shadow on the very joys that fuel our dedication.

In these moments of exhaustion, it’s easy to feel like we’re running on empty. But deep within us lies a wellspring of inner strength, often untapped or forgotten amidst the daily whirlwind. Learning to access this inner reserve isn't about magically acquiring more hours in the day or eliminating challenges. Instead, it's about cultivating resilience, nurturing our own well-being, and rediscovering the core values that drive us.

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

Recognising the Whispers of Burnout

Before we can tap into our inner strength, we must first acknowledge the signs of burnout and stress. For parents, this might manifest as persistent fatigue despite sleep, increased irritability, feeling detached from your children, or a sense of inadequacy. For children's professionals, it could look like cynicism towards your work, a lack of enthusiasm, feeling overwhelmed by administrative tasks, or a diminished sense of accomplishment. Recognising these whispers early is the first step towards reclaiming your inner equilibrium.

Tapping into Your Inner Reservoir

So, how do we find this inner strength when we feel most drained? It’s not a single switch we can flip, but rather a collection of practices that nourish our minds, bodies, and spirits:

Prioritise Self-Care (Without Guilt): This isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Even small pockets of time dedicated to your well-being can make a significant difference. Whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a short walk, listening to music, or engaging in a hobby, these moments allow you to recharge. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
Reconnect with Your "Why": Think back to what initially drew you to being a parent or working with children. Recalling those core values and the joy you find in these roles can reignite your passion and provide a sense of purpose that transcends the daily struggles.
Embrace Imperfection: The pressure to be a "perfect" parent or professional is a significant contributor to stress. Letting go of unrealistic expectations and accepting that mistakes are part of the journey can be incredibly liberating. Focus on doing your best, not being flawless.
Build Your Support Network: Lean on your partner, family, friends, or colleagues. Sharing your challenges and seeking support can alleviate the feeling of being alone in your struggles. Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude: Even amidst chaos, there are moments of beauty and connection. Cultivating mindfulness – being present in the moment – and practicing gratitude for the small joys can shift your perspective and foster a sense of inner peace.
Set Boundaries: Learning to say "no" is crucial for protecting your energy. Whether it's to extra commitments or demands that feel overwhelming, setting healthy boundaries ensures you have the resources you need to thrive.

Photo by visuals on Unsplash

The Strength Within

Finding inner strength during burnout isn't about becoming a superhero. It's about acknowledging your humanity, prioritising your well-being, and rediscovering the resilience that already resides within you. As parents and children's professionals, you navigate demanding roles with immense dedication. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's essential for your own well-being and for your ability to continue nurturing and supporting the children in your life.

The flame may flicker during times of stress, but the embers of your inner strength are always there, waiting to be rekindled. By embracing self-care, reconnecting with your purpose, and leaning on your support systems, you can navigate burnout and emerge with renewed energy and a deeper understanding of your own resilience. You are stronger than you think.

Can You Help Me?

Sure. I provide support for parents who are trying to think about how they manage their own mental wellbeing while working with their children. This type of support also translates really well to the education setting if you are exploring setting up different kinds of supervision for yourself or for teachers you work with.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

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Safeguarding Children: A Difficult Path for Professionals and Parents Alike

Kevin McNamara — Sat, 10 May 2025 11:31:44 GMT

Ensuring children's safety is a critical goal, yet it presents formidable challenges for both the professionals dedicated to their protection and the parents striving to keep them safe. The path to safeguarding is often complex and demanding for everyone involved.

For professionals (such as Social Workers, educators, and healthcare providers), the task is multifaceted as they grapple with:

Evolving Risks and Legislation: Constantly adapting to new threats like online dangers and changing legal frameworks.
Complex Cases: Managing situations involving trauma, mental health issues, and parental struggles, often requiring a delicate balance between policy and empathy.
Multi-Agency Collaboration: The vital but often difficult task of coordinating with various services, hampered by communication barriers and differing protocols.
Workload and Burnout: The emotionally taxing nature of the work leads to significant stress and potential burnout.
Barriers to Action: Overcoming hurdles like fear of repercussions or insufficient evidence when reporting concerns, and dealing with families who may be uncooperative.

Parents also face significant hurdles in their efforts to protect their children:

Navigating the Digital World: Keeping children safe from online threats like inappropriate content, cyberbullying, and predators.
Communication with Services: Feeling misunderstood, judged, or intimidated when interacting with professionals, often due to jargon or fear of intervention.
Personal and External Pressures: Dealing with their own challenges such as mental health, economic hardship, or lack of support networks, which can impact their ability to safeguard.
Fear and Mistrust: Previous negative experiences or the fear of having children removed can create barriers to seeking or accepting help.
Recognising and Reporting Harm: Difficulties in identifying signs of abuse or knowing how to respond, especially if lacking adequate information or support.

The challenges faced by professionals and parents are often interlinked. A parent's mistrust can complicate a professional's efforts, while overstretched services may not provide families with the timely support they need.

Ultimately, safeguarding children effectively requires a societal commitment to understanding and addressing these difficulties. It calls for better support for families, adequate resources for professionals, and improved collaboration to ensure every child can grow up in a safe and nurturing environment.

To this end, I wanted to share this excellent resource produced by the Department of Education setting out ‘Working Together’, the legal guidance

Children And Young Person Guide To Working Together To Safeguard Children

2.51MB ∙ PDF file

Download

I hope you all find it as useful as I did.

Can You Help Me?

Sure. I am a qualified Designated Safeguarding Lead and SPARK is a mental health service that deals with risk all of the time. Whether you are a parent/carer or another professional, I’m sure I’d love to chat.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

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Visiting the WaitingWell Website

Advice and Support for People on Neurodiversity Waiting Lists

Kevin McNamara — Fri, 02 May 2025 10:44:24 GMT

clock with sad face

If you're a parent waiting for an ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) assessment for your child, you know the wait can feel like an eternity. It's more than just impatience; it's a period fraught with anxiety, frustration, and helplessness. Why is it so incredibly tough?

Watching Your Child Struggle: Every day, you might see your child facing challenges – perhaps with focus, social interactions, emotional regulation, or learning. Knowing they're struggling and feeling powerless to provide the right kind of support without a clear understanding is heartbreaking. You want answers so you can help them now.
The Weight of Uncertainty: Not knowing what is causing the difficulties is mentally exhausting. Is it ADHD? ASD? Something else entirely? Or are you overthinking? This limbo fuels parental anxiety and self-doubt. You crave clarity, not just for a label, but for a path forward.
Delayed Access to Support: An assessment is often the gateway to crucial resources – appropriate school accommodations (like an EHCP), therapies, parenting strategies tailored to your child's needs, and a community of understanding. The longer the wait, the longer your child goes without potentially life-changing support systems.
Feeling Dismissed or Misunderstood: Sometimes, the journey to getting on the waiting list involves advocating strongly for your child, potentially facing skepticism from others. The wait can feel like another hurdle where your concerns aren't being addressed urgently.

This waiting period isn't just about getting a diagnosis. It's about gaining understanding, finding validation for your instincts, accessing help, and finally being able to support your child in the most effective way possible. If you're in this waiting phase, know that your feelings are valid. It is incredibly hard, and you're doing your best in a challenging situation.

With that in mind, and because I feel passionate about this, I am always looking for resources you can use to make the wait easier - especially free ones.

What is WaitingWell from The Owl Centre Charity? Actually, what is The Owl Centre Charity?

WaitingWell is an initiative specifically designed to support children, young people, and their families during their time on The Owl Centre's waiting list, or any ADHD/ASD assessment waiting list actually. The Owl Centre Charity is the charitable wing of The Owl Centre, who are a leading provider of ADHD and autism assessments for both children and adults nationally. It is their way of bridging the gap, offering connection, information, and practical resources when you need them.

WaitingWell offers:

Helpful Information: Understand the process, what to expect, and how to prepare.
Practical Resources: Access tips, strategies, and activities you can use at home right away.
Connection: Feel part of The Owl Centre community even before your first appointment.
Reduced Anxiety: Gain reassurance and knowledge to help ease the uncertainty of waiting.

You can visit their website here:

Can You Help Me?

Sure. I can provide advice on being referred for an ADHD or autism assessment for you or your child. If WaitingWell isn’t enough, I can even offer 1:1 sessions or signpost you to somebody who can.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free (including with your Right To Choose referral paperwork). Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

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Upcoming Events and Groups for Young People in Hertfordshire

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 11:12:12 GMT

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

I saw that our partners over at WithYouth, provided by Hertfordshire Mind Network, have published their new online workshop and groups.

The workshops are open to all young people who attend a school or are registered with a GP in Hertfordshire. A referral is not needed to access a workshop. You just need to sign up!

WithYouth are providing groups that will cover the following topics:

Understanding Emotions
Friendships and Relationships
Coping Strategies
Self-Harm and 5 Ways to Wellbeing
Abuse and Exploitation
Changes
Bullying
How To Cope At School
Home Life
Identity
Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

The groups will run on an 8-week block with a capacity for up to 15 young people, and will run as follows:

For Young People Aged 7—12: 6PM on Tuesdays.
For Young People 13+: 7PM on Wednesdays.

Want to find out more?

7-12 Online Group

13+ Online Group

Additionally, our friends at First Steps ED are running monthly workshops on Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). These are four-week ARFID support group for young people, ages 7-14 and a workshop for older people ages 15+, which are running on a monthly basis. To find out more, click here:

ARFID Support Group

There’s a good chance you’re a school receiving this and you know parents that might benefit… feel free to share this with them!

Photo by Carson Arias on Unsplash

Can You Help Me?

Sure. If webinars and group things aren’t your thing, then get in touch.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

Make sure you don’t miss any of my other posts:

Upcoming Workshops for Parents in Hertfordshire

Kevin McNamara — Thu, 24 Apr 2025 13:18:28 GMT

Photo by Humphrey M on Unsplash

I saw that the Children Wellbeing Practitioner’s Service, provided by Hertfordshire Community NHS Trust, has published their timetable of parent workshops for April, May and June this year.

The workshops are open to all young people and parents/carers of children and young people who attend a school or are registered with a GP in Hertfordshire. A referral is not needed to access a workshop. You just need to sign up! All workshops are currently being delivered online via Microsoft Teams.

Here is the current timetable:

Emotional Wellbeing for Young People 11—16: A workshop focused on adolescents managing their emotional wellbeing and things parents and carers can do to help. This is taking place at 6PM on Thursday 29 May.
Adolescent Self-Esteem and Resilience: A workshop focused on adolescents improving their self-esteem and resilience and what parents/carers can do to help. This is taking place at 6PM on Thursday 6 May.
Supporting Your Child’s Self-Esteem and Resilience: A workshop focused on parents/carers supporting their child to improve their self-esteem and resilience. This is taking place at 6PM on Tuesday 24 June.
Supporting With Sleep Difficulties: This workshop focuses on supporting children and adolescents with managing their sleep difficulties and things parents/carers can do to help. This is taking place at 6PM on Monday 9 June.
Developing Your Child’s Emotional Literacy: A workshop focused on parents/carers supporting their child with developing emotional literacy. This is taking place at 6PM on Thursday 15 May and 10AM on Tuesday 17 June.
General Emotional Wellbeing and Regulation Tips for Parents/Carers: A workshop focused on parents/carers supporting their child’s general emotional wellbeing and ability to emotionally regulate. This is taking place at 10AM on both Monday 19 May and Thursday 19 June.

For more information about what each workshop covers and to book a place onto a workshop, visit the Children’s Wellbeing Practitioner Eventbrite page:

A webinar on Emotionally Based School Non-Attendance can also be accessed:

EBSNA Webinar

There’s a good chance you’re a school receiving this and you know parents that might benefit… feel free to share this with them!

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Can You Help Me?

Sure. If webinars and group things aren’t your thing, then get in touch.

Please get in touch:

If you live in East Hertfordshire, and are registered with certain GP surgeries, there might even be a way I can help you for free. Find out here:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

Make sure you don’t miss any of my other posts:

Should CAMHS Go Wild?

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 14 Apr 2025 13:26:47 GMT

Photo by Emma Simpson on Unsplash

So I spent my Saturday lunchtime watching a webinar called ‘CAMHS Goes Wild’ provided by the Association of Child and Adolescent Mental Health. I know it sounds a bit like a big Friday night out but, unfortunately (or fortunately?), it's actually about how CAMHS services can use nature to support young people's mental health. You might be thinking. "Nature? My teen barely looks up from TikTok, let alone a tree." And I get it—but keep an open mind.

We all know that CAMHS are, to put it mildly, under the cosh. Waiting lists longer than your arm, stretched resources, and young people struggling. That is to say nothing about the mental health of individiaul practitioners themselves. Burnout for CAMHS clinicians is a major contribution to why the system itself is struggling. So, we need to think outside the box, right?

That's where ‘CAMHS Goes Wild’ comes in. It's about getting young people outside. Literally. Into green spaces, working with animals, all that jazz. The webinar was hosted by Dr Beth Chapman, a Consultant Psychiatrist working in Cornwall CAMHS.

What Was The Gist Of It?

Well, the evidence is actually pretty compelling. Think about it:

Staff Wellbeing: Turns out, the therapists themselves find clinic rooms depressing. It isn’t great for them either. Getting outside can boost their mood and help with burnout.
Young People Actually Like It: Shocker! They're more motivated to turn up, they feel more relaxed, and silences (awkward or otherwise) are way easier to handle when you're not staring at four walls.
Therapeutic Benefits: Nature can be like a "second therapist," helping with things like grounding, emotional regulation, and just generally making it easier to open up. For the therapist, it can provide a lab for helping the young people to experiment with these concepts rather than the clinic rooms which are not usually regulating.

What Did They Do?

It started small, a bit of "let's give this a go." They got staff outside, asked young people and parents what they thought, even made a film about it. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Parents in particular were quoted as saying, "Why aren't we doing this already?"

Alongside these workshops, there were more in-depth evaluations and the data backed up the good vibes. Staff were less burnt out, young people were more engaged... It's a win-win.

There were challenges, of course. It's not all sunshine and rainbows (literally). There are hurdles:

CAMHS Culture: Staff said they found CAMHS to be risk-averse and stuck in its ways. "Evidence-based" this, "risk management" that... It can be a struggle to get people to embrace a new approach. Everybody acknowkedged these were important but there was felt to be a challenge to work in new ways with road blocks everywhere.
Resources: Time, space, funding—the usual suspects.
Language: Even explaining what "nature-based approaches" are can be a challenge.
Clinical Practice: Individual practitioners and differnent schools of thoughts wondering whether that works for their practice, of if it does, how does it work for their type of mental health practice? What does deep trauma look like

So, Is This a Magic Bullet?

Nah, of course not. But it's a valuable tool in the toolbox. We need to be open to new ways of supporting young people, and nature-based interventions definitely deserve a closer look.

As always, it's about being creative, being compassionate, and actually listening to what young people need.

It also challenges us as practitioners to keep thinking about what we can use that is in our control to improve the experiences that our clients have when we are working with them.

Can You Help Me?

Sure. Why not find a time to talk with me?

Please get in touch:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

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Is the UK Government Really Cutting Mental Health Funding?

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 11:10:10 GMT

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Apologies for this post, not in my usual tone, but this is less about mental health and more about those who are doing as little as they can to help.

Remember when we all clapped for the NHS? Remember when we all said mental health was just as important as physical health? Well, some new numbers are making me wonder if those were just empty words.

It looks like the UK government is about to do that classic thing parties do when they campaign: say one thing and do another. They keep telling us they care about mental health, but the actual money they're putting into it? It's not adding up.

So, what's the deal?

Basically, even though the actual number of pounds going to mental health might go up a tiny bit, it's not keeping pace with how much everything else costs. Inflation, you know? So, in real terms, the mental health budget is shrinking. Imagine your salary going up £5, but your bills go up by £6.

This is happening at a time when, let's be honest, everyone's mental health seems to be taking a bit of a battering. Waiting lists are already miles long, services are stretched thinner than ever, and the people who really need help are being left to struggle.

The Numbers Don't Lie (But Ministers Often Do)

Here's the nitty-gritty: the percentage of the overall NHS budget allocated to mental health is going down. It might seem like a tiny drop – a fraction of a percent – but that translates to a whole lot of money that won't be there to support people. Experts are saying it could be hundreds of millions of pounds.

Imagine what that money could do: more therapists, shorter waiting lists, better support in schools... Instead, we're facing the possibility of things getting even worse.

And Who's Not Happy? Pretty Much Everyone

Mental health professionals are, understandably, furious. They're saying it's "illogical" to be cutting funding when the need is so high. They're worried about the impact on young people, who are often hit hardest by mental health problems.

Even NHS bosses are saying they're "deeply disappointed." That's strong language, folks.

What's the Government Saying?

The government, of course, is trying to put a positive spin on it. They're saying they are increasing the money, and that it will go towards hiring more staff and improving services. They also suggest that money going into other parts of the NHS will help mental health.

But it's hard to swallow when you look at the big picture.

Where Do We Go From Here?

The big fear is that this decision will undo any progress we've made in recent years in finally taking mental health seriously. We need proper funding, not just empty promises.

So, what do you think? Are you as worried as I am? Let's keep talking about this, and let's make sure the government knows we won't let them sweep mental health under the rug.

If you are a college, school or another organisation that is deeply concerned about the mental health of young people and families, one thing you can do today is to join the Children and Young People’s Mental Health Coalition, like SPARK has, and join over 300 other organisations making pressure for change:

Join the CYPMHC

If you’re an individual that is concerned, make sure your MP knows about it. Send them a letter telling them that any cuts to mental health spending are unacceptable:

Write To Your MP

If you liked this post, and you aren't already subscribed, well:

Book with SupportingLinks

Some Parent/Carer Events and Training

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 24 Mar 2025 12:21:57 GMT

Photo by Phil Hodkinson on Unsplash

Preparing and supporting young people going to university

Where: Online

When: Thursday 3 April, 19:00-20:30

Run by: Carers in Herts, Druglink, Mind in Mid Herts

This webinar will explore the wider context to the challenges faced by young people as they leave home and start further education. During this time we know that many struggle with their mental health and this session will look at understanding risk-taking behaviours, including experimentation with substances and gambling, and provide guidance on how to address concerns when these behaviours escalate.

The webinar has been designed for parents and carers of young people either preparing to start university or further education away from home or for those whose young people may already be at university. Attendees will look at ways to prepare, strategies for better communication and how to notice when something may be going wrong. The session will explore some practical strategies to support from afar. Further signposting support will be given and there will be opportunities for further discussion.

Following the session you will receive a toolkit and resource pack which will include practical tips and helpful signposting to additional resources and services.

The webinar has been co-developed with contributions from experts with lived experience from each organisation to ensure the content is accurate and relevant.

Get A Ticket

Further training sessions around the topic of Suicide Prevention are also available and can be found on the Spot the Signs EventBrite page:

Get A Ticket

If you need any further information, Debbie Worrall at Mind in Mid Herts can help:

E-mail Debbie

This is a four-week programme offering free online workshops for parents, carers & older siblings, who are supporting a young person with their body image, disordered eating and/or eating disorders in Hertfordshire.

You can find out more and register:

Make A Referral

Talking Dads

What: Six-weekly group support sessions for dads with 12-19-year-olds

Where: Online

When: Ongoing on Wednesdays, 19:45 - 21:15

Run by: Supporting Links

These support sessions open to parents, carers, grandparents and guardians living, or with a child in school, in Hertfordshire.

Booking is essential for this course, so click below and email the course ID ‘ID 712’ to book:

Support group for carers of those with suicidal thoughts/actions

Where: Online

When: Ongoing

Run by: Carers in Herts and Hector’s House

The group is for anyone looking after someone close to them who has suicidal thoughts or has tried to take their own life. This group aims to provide a platform for carers to share experiences, gain advice, and receive the support they need in their roles.

The group meets monthly, alternating between in person in Hemel Hempstead and online via Zoom.

To book a place at any meeting please contact Carers in Herts:

Email Carers in Herts

If you need help with travel expenses to attend a face-to-face meeting, please discuss this with Carers in Herts.

Parenting courses

Where: Online

When: Various

Run by: Families In Focus CIC

Courses are fully funded by Hertfordshire County Council's Targeted Parenting Fund. Limited places available and are free for parents living in Hertfordshire. All their evidence-based SEND courses are inclusive of parents whose primary-aged children may already have a diagnosis or those on assessment pathways. Their April courses are:

There are also a lot of courses aimed at transforming family life through empathy: various dates and courses for parents and grandparents this autumn (places are limited and there is a waiting list). Contact the team if any questions:

Email Families In Focus CIC

Can you help me?

Yep. The courses above are great, but I’m also willing to offer 1:1 sessions if needed on any of the above topics, or anything else.

Please get in touch:

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Is Your Child Addicted To Gaming?

Kevin McNamara — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 12:36:57 GMT

Photo by Javier Martínez on Unsplash

We've all been there, haven't we? That moment when you realise your child seems more interested in their console than in, well, anything else. It's easy to worry, and the term "addiction" gets thrown around a lot. But what's really going on?

First off, let's be honest: gaming is fun. It's designed to be engaging, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. Like we talked about before, it can even be helpful. But when does that enjoyment cross a line? And when is gaming gambling and how do we pick that apart?

It's not always about the amount of time spent gaming, but more about how it's affecting your child's life.

So what does it look like?

These are some of the warning signs:

Neglecting Responsibilities: Is their schoolwork slipping? Are they ditching chores or social events they used to enjoy? Are they suddenly not turning up to their after-school clubs?
Changes in Mood or Behaviour: Do they seem irritable, anxious, or even aggressive when they're not gaming or if you interrupt them? Are they increasingly isolated?
Obsessive Thoughts: Is gaming all they talk about? Do they seem preoccupied with it even when they're not playing?
Loss of Interest in Other Activities: Have they abandoned hobbies, sports, or spending time with friends and family in favour of gaming?
Sleep Disturbances: Are they staying up late to game, leading to tiredness and difficulty concentrating during the day?
Physical Symptoms: Are they experiencing headaches, eye strain, or carpal tunnel syndrome?
Unexplained Charges: These days a lot of gaming involves elements of gambling. Loot boxes are an example of this: a young person might spend a few pounds on what is essentially a lucky dip of items. It could be a super-common item or the rarest item in the game. For a lot of people, this might not even strike them as gambling. For a lot of us, our first experience of this was Pokémon cards in the playground. It is doing the same thing in the brain. If your young person doesn’t have their own debit card, could they be using yours?

Are There Additional Risk Factors?

There are a few. There are some populations (that is, groups) that are more susceptible to becoming addicted to video gaming, particularly where gambling (such as loot boxes) are a feature compared to the population as a whole. These groups include:

LGBT+ People: There has been a lot of research into this with a variety of findings, but it seems to be the case that LGBT+ people are at higher risk of becoming addicted to gaming, particularly with a gambling aspect. This is likely thought to be due to their increased risk of violence, isolation and poorer mental health resulting from this. If your child is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, or another sexual or gender minority identity, they are at greater risk of both gaming and gambling harms.
Neurodivergent Young People: A recent study found that autistic children, adolescents and adults are at greater risk of problematic video gaming than typical peers. A similar sdtudy found this to be true of ADHD young people as well, finding that this can be a coping mechanism with their symptoms. If your child is autistic or has ADHD, they might be at increased risk of both gambling and gaming harms.

Photo by I'M ZION on Unsplash

Where Can I Find Support?

It's important to remember you're not alone, and there are places to turn for help. There are always the general options of talking to your GP as a first step, and seeing what they can recommend, as well as the seeking out a therapist or a coach, but here are a few specific pointers in the right direction:

Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS): If your child is struggling with emotional or behavioural difficulties alongside excessive gaming, CAMHS can provide assessment and support. You might need to push for this.
The National Centre for Gaming Disorders / The National Gambling Clinic: These are specialist NHS-commissioned service for people who are aged 13 or older. As part of its offering, it offers Group Therapy, a workshop for parents, individual CBT, Family Therapy and ongoing support for parents.
Big Deal: This charity provides specialist information and advice on gambling harms for young people, and boast a support service for young people which is offered free-of-charge.
East of England Gambling Service: This is a specialist NHS-commissioned service for adults aged 18 or over that provides specialist CBT, couples and family therapy as part of its offering to help people recover from gambling addiction.

This will be a difficult process for all of you. So please remember:

Open Communication is Key: Try to talk to your child openly and honestly about your concerns. Listen without judgment and try to understand their perspective.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Work together to establish reasonable limits on gaming time and encourage other activities. This is much more effective if you do this with your teen, rather than laying down the law.
Focus on Balance: Help your child find a healthy balance between gaming and other aspects of their life, such as school, hobbies, and social interaction.

Gaming can be a fun and engaging activity, but like anything, it's important to have a healthy balance. If you're worried about your child's gaming habits, don't hesitate to reach out for support. We're in this together.

Final thoughts

Gaming and gambling harms have become more common as devices have become a bigger and bigger part of our life. Gaming has moved some friendships online, and the internet has meant that spending money is easier than it ever has been—and maybe this isn’t good if you’re feeling the pinch! If you feel like you are struggling to understand this brave new world your child is navigating, that’s okay and you’re not alone.

Can you help me?

Yep. I am happy to talk to you, explore your options and even support you or your young person through a piece of work around rebalancing parts of your life—whether that is gaming, or anything else.

For anything else, though? Please get in touch:

Did you like this post? Think you have a friend who might want to read it?

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ADHD in Girls

Kevin McNamara — Thu, 13 Mar 2025 12:12:35 GMT

Photo by Hiki App on Unsplash

You know what springs to mind when most people think about ADHD, don't you? Probably a young boy, bouncing off the walls, can't sit still for a minute. Yes, hyperactivity is a symptom of ADHD, but it doesn't tell the whole story. Especially when we're talking about girls.

See, ADHD can show up differently in girls, and that's why it often gets missed. It's like we're all looking for a square peg, and we completely overlook the round one because it doesn't fit our picture.

Think about it. Girls are often socialised differently. They might be better at masking their symptoms, trying to fit in, to appear less disruptive.

So what does it look like?

Instead of that obvious hyperactivity, ADHD in girls might look more like this:

Inattentiveness: Daydreaming, struggling to keep their focus in class, missing the details, losing things... They might seem quiet, "spacey," and teachers might just think they're not trying hard enough.
Emotional Sensitivity: Girls with ADHD can be super sensitive, experiencing big emotions, and having a hard time managing them. This can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and feeling overwhelmed.
"Chattiness" and Social Difficulties: Sure, some girls are just naturally chatty. But with ADHD, it can be impulsive, blurting things out, interrupting, and struggling to read social cues. This can make it hard to make and keep friends.
Perfectionism and Anxiety: Sound familiar? That drive to be perfect, that fear of failure... It can be a big thing for girls with ADHD, who might be trying extra hard to compensate for their challenges.

And because it's not that "classic" picture of ADHD, girls often get diagnosed much later than boys. This can mean years of struggling, feeling misunderstood, and maybe developing other problems like anxiety or depression, which, as I have said before, can go hand in hand.

Photo by Hiki App on Unsplash

Final thoughts

If you're a parent, a teacher, or anyone working with young people, it's so important to be aware of how ADHD can present in girls. Don't just look for that hyperactive boy. Keep an eye out for the quieter signs, the emotional struggles, the girls who seem to be underperforming or just not quite "themselves."

Early identification and support can make a HUGE difference. If you have any concerns, don't hesitate to seek advice from a professional. Let's make sure we're seeing all the young people who need our help.

Can you help me?

Yep. I have experience of screening girls for ADHD and assisting with the referral process, as well as thinking about whether we are even looking at ADHD or not.

For anything else, though? Please get in touch:

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School Absence Policies: A Barrier to Healthcare for Young People?

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 03 Mar 2025 16:00:06 GMT

First of all—sorry for my absence. General business and then being sick prevented me, but I had this blog idea for a while. It’s a bit controversial so I’m keen to hear what you think.

School absence policies, although intended to ensure students receive their education, can inadvertently create barriers to healthcare access for children. This is especially true for sensitive health issues like sexual health, mental health, and gender identity, where young people may need confidential care without parental knowledge or consent.

Why is that then?

It’s all rather complex. As school leaders, this might be a result of policy-making where you can’t win—but here’s why:

Fear of Disclosure: Many school policies require parental notification for any absence, regardless of the reason. This can deter young people from seeking necessary healthcare if they fear their parents will be informed. This fear is particularly acute for marginalised youth who may face negative repercussions at home for seeking care related to sexual health, gender identity, or mental health concerns.
Compromised Confidentiality: Even if a school doesn't explicitly disclose the reason for an absence, the mere notification that a child was absent can compromise their confidentiality. This can discourage young people from seeking help from school-based health services or external providers, as they may worry that their privacy will not be respected.
Undermining Gillick Competency: Legal principles like Gillick competence allow young people to consent to their own medical treatment if they have sufficient maturity and understanding. However, school absence policies that require parental notification can undermine this right, forcing young people to involve their parents in decisions they are legally entitled to make on their own.

As you can see, the challenges are complex and something as simple as a school absence policy can reverberate unless there are carefully thought-out exceptions. I remember when I was at college, there was a mandatory requirement for absences to be shared with my guardian, and for my guardian to authorise absences. This continued when I was 18 and 19. Forget whether that compromised my human rights, what about GDPR?

Are there other consequences?

Absoutely.

Discouraging Preventative Care: Fear of disclosure and compromised confidentiality can lead young people to delay or avoid seeking preventative care, potentially resulting in more serious health issues down the line. This can have long-term consequences for their physical and mental well-being.
Missed Opportunities for Early Intervention: Schools can play a vital role in identifying and addressing health issues early on. However, when young people are discouraged from seeking help due to absence policies, opportunities for early intervention are missed. This can lead to more complex and costly interventions later on.

What are the different options?

Schools, colleges and sixth forms should consider reviewing absence policies to ensure they do not create unnecessary barriers to healthcare access for young people. Here are some recommendations:

Allow for excused absences for medical appointments without requiring parental notification.
Train staff on confidentiality and the importance of respecting young people's privacy.
Establish clear protocols for communicating with parents about absences while protecting student confidentiality.
Provide information to students about their rights to confidential healthcare and how to access it.
Partner with healthcare providers to offer on-site services that minimise disruption to school attendance.

By implementing these recommendations, schools can create a supportive environment that encourages young people to seek the care they need without fear of reprisal or compromised confidentiality.

And in summary?

School absence policies, while well-intentioned, can hinder students' access to healthcare, particularly for sensitive issues like sexual health, mental health, and gender identity. Fear of parental notification can discourage young people from seeking necessary care, compromising their confidentiality and undermining their right to make independent decisions about their health. This can lead to missed opportunities for early intervention and preventative care, potentially resulting in more serious health issues down the line. Schools should review their absence policies to ensure they protect student privacy and facilitate access to confidential healthcare.

Can you help me?

Not really! You might want to ask an expert in this area, and not a trouble-maker like me!

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Do You Need A Maths Tutor or Tennis Coach?

Kevin McNamara — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 11:37:53 GMT

Imagine a child struggling with math but excelling at tennis. Do you hire a math tutor to help them improve their math skills, or a tennis coach to nurture their athletic talent? This question highlights the core concept of the strengths-based approach: focusing on what we do well rather than constantly trying to fix our weaknesses. While a basic understanding of math is essential, investing in the child's tennis abilities might be more beneficial. This allows the child to gain confidence, experience accomplishment, and potentially even pursue a career in tennis. This doesn't mean neglecting their math skills entirely, but rather prioritising the areas where they naturally shine and providing the necessary support and guidance to help them flourish.

What is a Strengths-Based Approach?

A strengths-based approach is a philosophy that emphasises identifying and utilising your inherent strengths, talents, and abilities to achieve your goals and live a more fulfilling life. It's about shifting the focus from fixing what's "wrong" to amplifying what's "right." Instead of dwelling on shortcomings, you invest time and energy in developing your natural talents and using them to overcome challenges and achieve success. This approach recognises that everyone has unique strengths and that these strengths can be used to achieve personal and professional goals.

This approach also involves a shift in language and perspective. Instead of using deficit-focused terms like "at-risk," a strengths-based approach encourages the use of more empowering language that focuses on potential and possibility. This shift in language is crucial in fostering a strengths-based mindset and creating a more positive and supportive environment.

Furthermore, a strengths-based approach values the capacity, skills, knowledge, connections, and potential in individuals and communities. It recognises that everyone has something to offer and that by focusing on these strengths, we can create a more inclusive and supportive society.

It begins with a holistic focus that includes an emphasis on a person's strengths and resources, both internal and external. When challenges are experienced, problems and issues are acknowledged and validated. Strengths are identified and highlighted to help overcome challenges. This process allows for growth and development.

A strengths-based approach emphasises the importance of meaningful choice. Individuals make their own decisions and take ownership of their lives. This autonomy and self-direction are essential for personal growth and well-being.

This Approach in Different Areas of Life

A strengths-based approach can be applied to various aspects of life, including:

Parenting: Instead of constantly correcting a child's mistakes, parents can focus on praising positive behaviors and fostering their unique talents. For example, a parent might notice their child's artistic inclination and provide them with art supplies, enroll them in art classes, or encourage them to participate in art competitions. This can help children develop a strong sense of self-worth and build confidence in their abilities. Used in this way, this approach has similarities with positive reinforcement, a technique emerging from psychology.
Education: Teachers and other school colleagues can use a strengths-based approach to identify and nurture students' individual talents, creating a more engaging and personalised learning experience. This might involve incorporating other learning styles, providing opportunities for students to showcase talents, offering individualised support to help students develop their strengths. This can lead to increased motivation, improved academic performance, and a greater sense of purpose.
Work: A strengths-based approach can help employees identify their skills and apply them to their roles, leading to increased productivity, job satisfaction, and career advancement. For instance, a manager might assign tasks that align with an employee's strengths, provide opportunities for skill development, or offer mentorship to help employees advance in their careers. Managers can use this approach to create a more positive and supportive work environment where employees feel valued and empowered.

Benefits of a Strengths-Based Approach

Adopting a strengths-based approach can lead to numerous benefits, including:

Increased Self-Awareness and Confidence: By focusing on your strengths, you gain a deeper understanding of your abilities and how to utilise them effectively. Recognising and celebrating your strengths boosts your self-esteem and belief in your potential.
Greater Motivation: When you focus on activities that you enjoy and excel at, you're more likely to stay motivated and engaged.
Enhanced Resilience: A strengths-based approach helps you develop coping mechanisms and overcome challenges by drawing on your inner resources. It also emphasises the human capacity for resilience, resistance, courage, thriving, and ingenuity. This means that even in the face of adversity, individuals can draw on their strengths to overcome challenges and achieve their goals.
Increased Wellbeing: Focusing on your strengths can lead to greater happiness, fulfillment, and a more positive outlook on life.

Identifying Your Strengths

To apply a strengths-based approach, you first need to identify your strengths. Here are some methods you can use:

Reflect on your past successes: Think about what you have achieved that made you feel proud and accomplished. What skills and talents did you use to achieve those successes?
Ask for feedback: Seek feedback from friends, family, and colleagues about what they see as your strengths.
Take assessments: There are various strengths assessments available online and through career advisors that can help you identify your natural talents.
Pay attention to your interests: What activities do you enjoy and find yourself naturally drawn to? These can often be indicators of your strengths.

And in summary?

Once you've identified your strengths, it's important to actively develop them through regular practice, seeking opportunities to use them, learning from others, and setting goals. Align your goals with your strengths, break them down into smaller steps, seek support from others, and celebrate your successes along the way.

The strengths-based approach offers a powerful alternative to traditional deficit-focused models. By shifting your attention to your inherent strengths, you can unlock your full potential, achieve your goals, and live a more fulfilling life. Start by identifying your strengths, develop them further, and use them to achieve your goals. Embrace this approach and see where it takes you!

Can you help me?

Yeah, I’m all about the strengths-based approach.

Please get in touch:

Final Thoughts

Raising a child can be hard, and so is working with them. We might feel social pressure to focus on a child’s deficits, but not as much push to focus on what they are great at. We can change that, but only if we are intentional about this way of thinking against all others.

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Help Research How Children and Young People Access Mental Health Support

Kevin McNamara — Fri, 07 Feb 2025 12:09:58 GMT

Miricyl is a UK-based mental health charity dedicated to supporting individuals affected by mental illness, with a particular focus on children and young people. The organization's name stands for "Mental Illness Research in Children and Young Lives," reflecting its commitment to advancing mental health research and providing resources for younger populations.

The website offers a comprehensive array of resources designed to assist users on their mental health journey. These include informative videos, self-help guides, and links to other reputable charities and support organizations. Additionally, Miricyl has introduced innovative digital games aimed at supporting young people in their mental wellness journey, providing interactive and engaging tools to promote mental health.

Looking ahead, Miricyl aims to enhance user experience by analyzing user interactions to understand preferences and areas of interest. This insight will enable the organization to tailor its offerings, ensuring that future users receive more personalized and effective support, ultimately helping them achieve better mental health outcomes more efficiently and sustainably.

By continually evolving its platform based on user feedback and needs, Miricyl strives to provide a user-centric resource that empowers individuals to manage their mental health proactively and access the support they need when they need it.

Please fill out our survey by clicking here if you have two minutes.

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This article is a guest post by Alex Conway. Alex is the Chief Executive Officer of Miricyl, a charity dedicated to developing digital solutions for young people’s mental health.

Changes To Counselling Services in Hertfordshire for Children and Young People

Kevin McNamara — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 12:16:52 GMT

I read this in the Hertfordshire Children and Young People Mental Health Services System newsletter:

Hertfordshire Mind Network will be providing Hertfordshire’s funded community counselling services for children and young people ages 5-19th birthday from 1 April 2025, when contracts with the county’s current service providers' come to an end. This innovative new service will be offering a broad range of easily accessible support options based on the specific counselling needs of each child/young person.
In addition, Hertfordshire’s Children and Young People’s Mental Health Services (CYPMHS) can also announce that from 1 April 2025, Signpost will be providing a new funded community therapies service for children and young people ages 5-19th birthday.
Up until 31 March 2025, children and young people who are registered with a Hertfordshire GP can access funded counselling sessions by making a referral to one of Hertfordshire's existing community counselling service providers: Signpost, YCT or Youth Talk.
Signpost, YCT or Youth Talk will discuss all the options with them, but if the young person’s assessment shows that counselling sessions funded by Hertfordshire County Council is the most suitable option to meet their needs, they will be placed on a waiting list for this service.

The original newsletter post is here.

Can you still help me?

Absolutely. SPARK is available to offer private mental health support in addition to the services it provides to the Hertford and Rurals and Ware and Rurals Primary Care Networks in East Hertfordshire. Hertfordshire Mind Network are great too, however!

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Beyond the Bubble: Exploring Childhood Trauma in the Wicked Movie

Kevin McNamara — Thu, 23 Jan 2025 11:51:49 GMT

The ‘Wicked’ movie, based on the hit Broadway musical, has already generated a whirlwind of excitement. This whirlwind of excitement has mostly been centred around me, to be honest.

WARNING: spoilers ahead ~~maybe possibly~~ definitely.

Elphaba and Glinda's iconic story being brought to life on the big screen was what took me to the cinema yesterday but I realised that the film also offers an opportunity to delve deeper into the often-overlooked theme of childhood trauma woven throughout the narrative.

Elphaba’s Early Rejection

Elphaba's green skin immediately marks her as different in the eyes of Oz's society. This physical difference leads to ostracization and ridicule from her peers and even her own father. The trauma of constant rejection and feeling like an outsider shapes her worldview and fuels her rebellious spirit.

Elphaba's father, preoccupied with his political ambitions and ashamed of his daughter's appearance, fails to provide her with the love and acceptance she craves. Glinda, despite being surrounded by material comforts, yearns for genuine connection and struggles with her mother's emotional distance. This lack of parental support leaves both young women feeling isolated and vulnerable.

From the moment she arrives at Shiz University, Elphaba becomes the target of relentless bullying. Her classmates mock her appearance, whisper behind her back, and exclude her from social activities. This constant harassment reinforces her feelings of inadequacy and deepens her sense of isolation. Glinda, initially complicit in the social ostracization of Elphaba, eventually recognises the pain it causes and chooses empathy over conformity.

The Impact on Self-Esteem and Identity

The cumulative effect of these traumatic experiences profoundly impacts Elphaba's self-esteem and sense of identity. She internalises the negative messages she receives from others, believing herself undeserving of love. This self-loathing contributes to her anger and resentment, ultimately driving her towards a path of defiance. The movie tells us a few things:

Finding Solace in Friendship: Despite the challenges they face, Elphaba and Glinda find solace and strength in their unlikely friendship. Their bond provides a safe space for vulnerability and acceptance, offering a counterpoint to the trauma they have endured. Through their connection, they begin to heal and discover their true selves.
The Importance of Representation: By exploring the complexities of childhood trauma, ‘Wicked’ offers a powerful representation of the lasting impact of early adversity. The film has the potential to spark important conversations about bullying, prejudice, and the importance of empathy and acceptance. It reminds us that even in a fantastical world, the pain of childhood trauma is real and deserves to be acknowledged and addressed.

And in summary?

‘Wicked’ is more than just a spectacle of music and magic. It is a story about overcoming adversity, finding your voice, and the transformative power of friendship. By exploring the theme of childhood trauma with sensitivity and nuance, the film has the potential to resonate with audiences on a deeply personal level and leave a lasting impact.

Can you help me?

I’d love more people to talk about ‘Wicked’ with, but feel free to consult me for a chat about this or anything else.

Please get in touch:

Final Thoughts

If you are thinking of taking your child to see the movie for the ~~fifth~~ first time, it might be worth prompting some gentle conversations with them about how these themes are explored in the movie. Maybe asking if they ever feel like Elphaba—or like Glinda. Both are flawed and wonderful characters.

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Blue Monday: It's Not Real

Kevin McNamara — Mon, 20 Jan 2025 14:45:49 GMT

Every third Monday of January, we're bombarded with headlines about "Blue Monday"—supposedly the most depressing day of the year. Is there any truth to this claim? Is it just clever marketing? Let's have a look.

The Origins of Blue Monday

The concept of Blue Monday was first introduced in 2005 by a travel company, Sky Travel, in a press release. They claimed to have calculated the date using a "formula" that considered factors like weather, debt, time since Christmas, and failed New Year's resolutions.

However, this formula has no scientific basis and was likely created for marketing purposes to encourage people to book holidays.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Why Blue Monday Doesn't Add Up

Mental Health is Complex: Reducing something as complex as depression and sadness to a single date on the calendar is a gross oversimplification. Mental health is influenced by numerous factors. It doesn't adhere to a specific schedule.
Lack of Scientific Evidence: No reputable scientific study has ever validated the existence of Blue Monday.
Commercial interests: The idea of Blue Monday is often perpetuated by companies trying to capitalise on people's low moods by promoting products or services.

What Are The Dangers of the Blue Monday Myth?

The Blue Monday myth can have negative consequences:

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Constantly hearing about Blue Monday can make people more likely to feel down, reinforcing the idea.
Trivialisation of Mental Health: It can minimise the struggles of those with genuine mental health conditions by making light of depression. This is something a lot of mental health professionals criticise.
Obscuring Real Issues: The focus on a single day distracts from the ongoing need to address mental health concerns year-round.
Promoting Consumerism, Not Recovery: Don’t forget—this was coined to sell holidays. By all means, take a break if you need it, but if you feel unwell, think about root causes too.

What to Do Instead of Buying into Blue Monday

Instead of dwelling on a fabricated date, let's focus on promoting positive mental health every day:

Check In With Yourself: Be mindful of your emotions and seek support if needed.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
Connect With Others: Spend time with loved ones and build strong relationships.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional.

In short?

Blue Monday is a marketing gimmick, not a scientific fact. Let's reject this myth and focus on promoting mental well-being throughout the year. Remember, if you're feeling down, you're not alone. Reach out for support and prioritise your mental health.

Can you help me?

Sure. Fancy a chat? Get in touch:

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